Beyond The Darkness
by Planet Mads
Summary: A short one-shot from Tk's point of veiw about his feelings.


Author's notes: When your emotions are all mixed up, writing helps you work them out. And in this case helps me let go of some of my more dark emotions. I was in a bit of a bad mood at the time.

Disclaimer: I do not own digimon.

Beyond the Darkness.

            I've always hated the powers of darkness, so isn't it ironic that the darkness shall free my soul? I feel and have felt for so long now repressed, as if all my emotions, the ones that truly matter, have been locked up inside of me. I can feel them beating away inside of me, fighting to get let out but are being shoved to the back of my mind and heart. The mistake that started all of this happened when we were in the digital world, just after another Tai-Matt row. When I was younger I made the mistake of keeping my mouth shut, when people argued I could never bear the idea of taking a side. The childish innocence in me thought that we could perhaps all get along. So I always said that whatever decision they took would be fine and even if it did go wrong we would all come out of it alright. So whenever anything did happen, I would be the one to smile and keep hoping. It became my role, that whenever anything went wrong I would be the person to pick up the pieces and make us try again. And I was forever doing that, not just in the digital world but at school and home. If anyone had a problem they would come to me, spilling their woes which they expected met to solve. At home, when Matt and my dad came for a visit and our parents would stand there glaring at each other or snapping slightly. I was the one that always smiled made a nice comment and set the atmosphere back to normal.

            Perhaps the reason that I clung to Matt as much as I did was because I believed that at one point I could have told him of my troubles. Of the pains people were enforcing upon me. Never caring that I might have my own worries to deal with. But I was wrong, he was just like the others. Believing that I was perfect, that I never needed any help. That I only needed someone to protect me from the physical world when I was little. I did but people never expected me to need help emotionally. Perhaps the only real problem I had that people saw was my hatred of the Dark Powers.

            Well, I have a right to hate them don't I? Perhaps I was exaggerating when I said no one understood me and everyone thought I was perfect. Patamon didn't. I spilled all my darkest fears and secrets to that small digimon. And it is only because of him that I made it this far. So what right did Devimon have to take him away from me? We never knew that I would see Patamon again and even if I did, he would be the same digimon that I loved. I never felt such overwhelming sadness and pain as I did when I watched him disappear before my eyes. Fading into a brilliant white light that took Devimon and Angemon away forever, or so I thought. I believed that I had lost the only person that I could ever share my fears with and that to say that least hurt, a lot. So I was overjoyed when he came back and everything went back to normal. Or as normal as it could be when you were trying to save the world from disaster. But if one can come back so can the other. And he did, perhaps it was years later but all the pain filled emotions I had then came rushing back. That's why I attacked Ken, to stop him from freeing that monster from his underwater prison. But even there he hurt me, I could see that amusement in his eyes as I gazed at the screen. As if he knew I was there and he was promising to fulfil each and every one of my nightmares to it's highest potential. That was my flaw, the one flaw that everyone saw. I had hoped that people would stop valuing me as prefect then. But it made them love me even more. Here I was, Tk Takaishi, a young boy no older than twelve fighting for good like a true warrior. Overcoming the tragic pains of my past to rise ever on ward. My past was not the best but it wasn't tragic, I lost my brother and father to a bitter divorce but it was never as bad as they seemed to think. They act as if the pair of us couldn't live without each other, which is entirely not true. And we both know it. Though we never tried to explain our bond to them, they would never understand it. That we both knew.

            I thought that perhaps as time went on, people would see more of my darker emotions and stop valuing me as some sort of angel. But here I am fifteen years old and still none the less perfect in everyone else's eyes. I have not seen Patamon since the final battle with Myotismon. The digimon went back to the digital world and us back to the human. And my emotions have steadily been building up, and the ones that I spilled to Patamon have come flooding back in full force. But they are bottled up within me, never to be shown to the outside world. For I have kept up the charade of perfect for to long, there's no turning back now.  And now I come back to the question I first asked, about the darkness. I've hated it for so long, despised it because it took away the one person that understood me. But he vanished again, even without darkness' help. However now it offers something different.

            It offers me a door, I suppose. A door that when I open it I can see a place where my masks are no longer needed. Where I could truly be myself, but I'm afraid to take that step over the threshold. I've been the darkness' enemy for so long, why should I trust it now? I say this to myself as it opens it's arms, inviting me into it's murky depths. I can hear it whisper words into my ear, promises and dreams I have harboured for so long. I have been pondering whether or not to take that leap into blackness, chewing on my lip till I've drawn blood. Blood which trickles down my face and lands on my hand. I stare at it, the crimson contrasting with the white of my skin. Red, a colour the represents anger. I suppose saying that there is to much red in the world is like saying that there is too much anger. And I'd be inclined to agree. Wouldn't it be easier if there was no red? No different colours just pure black.

 . . . . Pure nothingness. 

Nothing. It sounds so pathetic and boring to most but to me it offers something. It offers that promise of silence I have long been waiting for. And I've found myself deciding what I'm going to do, I shall take that step forward. I'm now at darkness' door. Hovering just in front the doorframe, I smile slightly. And move forward. In my mind's eyes, I can see the darkness pulling me close and cradling me in it's nothing and oh so wonderful quietness. The door has closed behind me and I am finally free. Thought in reality I am pitching forward towards the ground from my bedroom window. I can not see it, all I see is the welcoming black as the darkness envelops me. I hear a faint cry, and from beyond the darkness I hear someone call my name. But it's too late the door has closed.

And I feel nothing anymore . . .

**Hope it's alright and I hope you like it. ~MM**


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